Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
