He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize