I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
