p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
