I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
