I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
