bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she told me i tasted like america
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
