dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.