His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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