Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize