you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill