i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dignity is for republicans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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