we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
