Taylor Swift is so right about you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
