Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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