the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
