my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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