You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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