I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
