you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
