I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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