no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
