When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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