Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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