Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
