I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
