Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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