i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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