i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize