What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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