Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
