Too much gin, very little bucket
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
