Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
