How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
