Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
