what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
