brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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