Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
