May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
