My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
