help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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