The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
