he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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