She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize