Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
