don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
