I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i drank out of a bidet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
