I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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