I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
