my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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