I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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