there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
