Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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