It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
