I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
