Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
