i permit you to call me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
