You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
