I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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