Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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