i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Alive.
So much puke
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
