ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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