Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
